I can

[blacktears]

I can be what i want to be,
its my choice to live or die
I will be what ever i feel
and its ok if i cry

you cant be what you want to be
you wont feel what your ment to feel,
because your all the same
you laugh because im different
I laugh because your all playing a game

I can hear the things I fear,
I can take them on
but you will hear the words of the media
because thats what your worthy of

I can try and be the best
I can leave an unberable mess
and I can see a mutilaion
and only fear your fucking cross contamanation

you will never see the world
you wont ever feel my words
you show no emotion
your words that are then spoken mean shit all.

you dont fear me
because you have no meaning
you cant hear me
and now im not listening to you fall

I can read me
and I can read you
nothing you say
can change the thing that I do

your all a group a nothings
you have no real friends
you dont see the real thing
and thats how it ends.

Every other word that you feel, must be a lie, because you have no soul.

[Aaron Graf]

This poem was very good, it resonated a sense of standing up to those who think that our society should all be the same. Anyways, although your poem rocked, I have written up a corrected version of the poem [grammar wise] and some recommendations. You know I love your stuff but here's where I start to try to help you, I"m trying to help you out because I think your stuff needs to be published....anyways here it is:


"I can

I can be what I want to be,
its my choice to live or die.
I will be what ever I feel,
and its okay if I cry.

You can't be what you want to be,
you won't feel what you're meant to feel,
because your all the same.
You laugh because I'm different
I laugh because your all playing a game

I can hear the things I fear.
I can take them on,
but you will hear the words of the media,
because thats what you're worthy of.

I can try and be the best,
I can leave an unberable mess,
and I can see a mutilation,
and only fear your fucking cross contamanation.

You will never see the world,
you won't ever feel my words.
You show no emotion,
your words that are then spoken mean shit all.

You don't fear me,
because you have no meaning.
you cant hear me,
and now im not listening to you fall.

I can read me
and I can read you,
nothing you say
can change the thing that I do.

You're all a group a nothings,
you have no real friends.
You don't see the real thing,
and that's how it ends.

Every other word that you feel, must be a lie, because you have no soul."




That's the grammatical changes I recommend for you, now here's a few changes I hope you take into thought.

Instead of:

"because your all the same
you laugh because im different
I laugh because your all playing a game"

It would sound better if you switched it around like this:

"Because you're all playing a game.
you laugh because I'm different,
I laugh because you're all the same."


Also this would be better off in the poems for "Free Speech and Individuality" section of the board.....keep up the good work okay....*hugs and kisses* great job.

[Jesus]

[It's = It is I.E. and it's okay if I cry]; [Its= possesive pronoun, I.E. Its head was round.] Finish the grammatical corrections, please.

[carndo]

contamination is mis-spelled

[carndo]

also mutilation is also misspelled