Post by Nacht der Tiger on Nov 16, 2004 2:23:35 GMT -5
Everyone always wonders where I have come from or where I’ve been in my life. I guess this is my chance to open up and let people in. No one truly knows all about me, they only know bits and pieces that I have fed them. And if they do know… then I say this ASSHOLE… you somehow managed to find hidden secrets… Who was your investigator? Now then, where to start…. The beginning I suppose… or rather before the beginning….
~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~ Before the Beginning ~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~
My parents were only 16 and 17, much too young to have a child and take care of her and continue on with their goals. Both decided that I would be better off if they put me up for adoption. They chose the family before I was born. My adoptive family got the call around 2 in the morning… they had a new child. My adoptive parents got to meet my mother and grandmother and I do have pictures of both parents, but there is still a lot of uncertainty in my identity that I don’t think I will be rid of. It’s hard not knowing your real family or your real heritage except what’s in the papers. I got to know a piece of my mother through a letter she wrote me after I was born. If I said I never wanted to know them or meet them it would be a lie. I really do want to meet them, but it would be hard to do it around now. I mean, life isn’t easy right now. I’m having family issues, friend issues, and I-can-barely-stand-myself issues. The timing is wrong, not to mention California laws make it even harder. I guess I should be glad I wasn’t in the system because life is even worse in there. I should also be thankful my mother didn’t abort me, but sometimes I wonder if things would have been better if she had done that. I guess that goes through a lot of people’s heads, but it doesn’t make me feel any better. I have friends that have kids and friends that aborted their child and I have friends who are still innocent. We’ve all made our decision, but the what-ifs always play through our minds… especially when you are on the …. “victim” side for lack of a better term. From before I was born to afterwards.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Stanton, California, 1986 – 1992 ~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Now although I don’t remember much from this time frame I do remember that I was happy. I was your typical girlie girl that loved to play with her best friend from down the street. I remember this one earthquake, we were standing in the doorway and I pointed to the car and said “look it’s dancing”. Note that the car was moving back and forth and bouncing. Don’t you love childish innocence and ignorance? It’s cute and I still laugh at myself for that. I was naïve, very much so, but that’s what makes us kids. My best friend Philicia, how I miss her, she was great. Her and I were in Girl Scouts together and always enjoyed ourselves. She had am kindergarten while I had pm. I think I was the lucky one, though it made it hard for us to have a lot of time to play. I have only good memories from school and from my friend Philicia. Life was perfect back then. Our babysitter and close friend Carol was always there for us, she was great, and amazingly she is still around, in her 80s and still healthier than me even. Things couldn’t have been better, until my friend moved; it was about 2 months before us. It was hard because I lost the first true best friend I had. I would love to see her now and see how different she is. Then we got word my dad was being transferred, to Texasnonetheless. Excitement and sorrow were two emotions we felt. I didn’t want to leave California, but we had to go. We packed up and left, my dad was there for about a week or two before us. It was scary leaving the only home I had ever known. The song “Leaving on a Jet plane” comes to mind right now, because that’s how we got out there, on a plane with a couple suitcases and the dogs.
~~All true all real all me... part 1 ~~